How Trauma Impacts Relationships

Trauma can affect your physical, mental, and emotional well-being. But how does trauma impact relationships? Better yet, how does childhood trauma affect relationships? Trauma can certainly complicate relational dynamics, creating problems with trust, intimacy, communication, and emotional regulation. But with treatment, you can overcome your trauma, and your relationships can be healthy and functional. If you’ve experienced trauma, childhood trauma, or even relationship trauma, recovery is possible.

How Does Trauma Impact Relationships?

How past trauma impacts current relationships is an important topic for anyone wanting to move past their trauma or navigate a partner’s trauma.

According to VerywellMind.com, a traumatized person in a relationship may experience the following symptoms:

• Trust issues that impede your ability to get close to your partner
• Hyperarousal when triggered by memories or associations of your trauma
• Numbness or disassociation which keeps you from being emotionally available
• Avoidance related to triggers from your trauma
• Feelings of isolation because you’re either unable to share what you’ve experienced or believe no one will understand
• Overreacting or having trouble regulating your emotions in ordinary circumstances

If you are not traumatized, but your partner is, these symptoms can be frustrating; you may take things personally or feel very hurt by your partner’s outbursts or inability to grow close to you. The reality is that trauma is blocking your partner’s capacity to function normally and create a healthy attachment. By processing trauma through individual therapy or even couples therapy, it is possible for the two of you to overcome these obstacles.

Childhood Trauma and Relationships

How does childhood trauma affect relationships? Childhood trauma adds new complexity to relational dynamics because it is deep-seated and has altered the survivor’s personal and emotional development. Research on childhood trauma and relationships reveals that interpersonal problems can be expected. However, this is not to say that they can’t be overcome.

According to Innovation in Aging, childhood trauma affects relationship quality, as survivors tend to have fewer close relationships. Those who suffered abuse in childhood are more likely to have no close family relationships, which can lead to loneliness and social isolation.

The incidence of childhood trauma and trust issues is common; when a child’s parents or caregivers are unreliable, abusive, or neglectful, it instills a lack of security and a sense of betrayal that follows these children into their adult relationships. Not only that, but people generally choose partners who act in a way that is familiar or known to them; and when what you know is abusive and dysfunctional, you may tend to pick untrustworthy people, further enhancing the trust issues developed in childhood. For these reasons and more, it is so crucial to address and heal childhood trauma.

Childhood Trauma in Adults

Childhood trauma in adults may show up in a variety of ways. The International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health reveals that people who dealt with emotional and physical abuse, as well as emotional neglect, have a greater likelihood of developing anxiety or having an adjustment disorder  — in addition to experiencing a long-term or chronic pain condition. Similarly, JAMA Network Open reports that childhood trauma exposure is associated with increased rates of adult psychiatric disorders and poorer functional outcomes. In other words, such people may have a greater propensity for developing mental health disorders and be less likely to hold jobs or keep friends.

According to the Australian Journal of General Practice, here are some signs of childhood trauma in adults:

• PTSD symptoms such as nightmares, flashbacks, and re-experiencing
• Avoidant behaviors and maladaptive coping mechanisms, such as substance abuse, eating disorders, or addiction
• Irritability and hypervigilance
• Chronic pain or inflammation disorders such as irritable bowel syndrome, chronic fatigue, and fibromyalgia
• Dissociation
• Feelings of distress, anxiety, or fear for no apparent reason
• Suicidal ideation
• Self-harming behaviors
• Fragmented memories from childhood
• Low self-esteem and a sense of worthlessness

Relationship PTSD and Dating Someone With Trauma

Relationship PTSD refers to the symptoms you may experience after a traumatic relationship — a relationship that’s abusive, neglectful, toxic, or life-threatening in some way. The actual relationship is the traumatic experience.

Relationship PTSD may also be called post-traumatic relationship syndrome (PTRS). Healthline.com says that PTRS has similar symptoms to PTSD, including the following:

• Flashbacks
• Intrusive thoughts
• Fear and emotional distress
• Physiological sensations of anxiety such as sweating, shaking, or a pounding heart

However, PTRS is different from PTSD in that it involves rage, fear, and horror related to the abuser and symptoms that begin once the abuse is over.

Dating someone with relationship trauma is often more complex than dating someone without relationship trauma. What matters is that the non-traumatized person makes the time and effort to understand the traumatized person — and that the traumatized person makes concerted efforts to move past their old wounds.

In a related but different category is dating someone with PTSD, in which the trauma did not come from a relationship. Still, in this case, one partner is dealing with symptoms from a past trauma (whether from childhood or life experiences), and the other partner is attempting to navigate those issues alongside them.

It’s worth noting that in some circumstances, dating someone with PTSD (whether it’s relationship trauma or otherwise) may become traumatic for the other partner, depending on the severity of the person’s symptoms and how they affect the relationship. It is just as important for partners to take care of themselves and get the support they need as it is for the person suffering.

How to Deal With Trauma

The first step to dealing with trauma is to recognize your resilience. The human body and brain can recover from a wide variety of conditions. Healing from trauma can be challenging and uncomfortable, but once you begin to resolve the pain of past wounds, you will experience renewal and a reduction in your symptoms. You can also learn how to connect with others again, understanding who to trust and how to overcome your intimacy issues.

Trauma treatment may look different for different people. Some people respond well to therapies such as eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR), exposure therapy, Somatic Experiencing®, psychodrama, and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). Many modern treatments are less invasive and allow you to heal in fewer sessions. The most important part is that you find a treatment center or treatment professionals who can understand your needs and help you find the best therapeutic solutions. This may mean going to individual counseling, going to couples counseling, attending inpatient or outpatient treatment, or attending a workshop. With time and support, you can heal from your trauma and have better relationships.

Attend a Trauma Workshop

At Rio Retreat Center, we host several workshops that can help you work through your trauma in a safe place, guided by our treatment experts. Our emotional trauma workshops include options for healing childhood trauma, processing grief, recovering from adverse experiences, breaking free from exploitative relationships, and even using Somatic Experiencing® and equine therapy to restore self-esteem and boundaries. We also have workshops focused specifically on relationships if you or your partner is trying to heal from trauma or you’re seeking a healthier relational life.

If you’re ready to overcome the trauma of your past and have healthy relationships with yourself and others, explore our workshop options and find one that meets your needs. Feel free to contact our team to learn more about each workshop and hear our recommendations for which one to attend as you start or continue your healing journey.