Reaching Beyond Resentment: Healing from Betrayal Trauma

Betrayal trauma has complex implications for those who experience it, but healing is possible for those who are willing to undertake the journey. In addition to post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) symptoms, those who are dealing with betrayal trauma may use “forgetting” as a coping mechanism which can obscure the gravity of their experiences. Once betrayal trauma is recognized, therapeutic interventions can help you overcome resentment, learn to set proper boundaries, form healthy attachments, and thrive again in your life.

What Is Betrayal Trauma?

Betrayal trauma is when “people or institutions on which a person depends for survival significantly violate that person’s trust or well-being,” according to psychologist Dr. Jennifer Freyd. She authored Betrayal Trauma: The Logic of Forgetting Childhood Abuse and introduced the concept in the 1990s. Much like relational trauma, it most often applies to relationships between children and caregivers, spousal or intimate partner relationships, but also between people and their governing bodies or authoritative institutions.

Examples of betrayal trauma include physical, emotional, or sexual abuse of a child by a caregiver; violence, emotional manipulation, or sexual abuse from a romantic partner, or a romantic partner having a sexual addiction or an affair; and violence or oppression toward people from an authority or institution, such as the persecution of specific ethnic or religious groups or genocide.

Betrayal trauma has a significant impact on your physical and psychological health because you are dependent on the abuser for your survival or livelihood. Children who experience betrayal trauma and are still dependents can’t distance themselves from an abusive caregiver, so they adopt coping habits like compliance and forgetting in order to survive.

Romantic partners may fear retribution, isolation, or loss of shelter or income if you leave your abusive partner; you may also fear the reaction of your social circle and the loss of your identity or status. This can lead to the same response — forgetting, lack of acknowledgement, and even defense of the abuser. Those who suffer betrayal trauma from institutions may fear greater violence, isolation, or excommunication, which can keep you silent and unable to speak out about the abuse you’ve faced.

According to Healthline.com, symptoms of betrayal trauma include:

• Difficulty regulating emotions
• Physical pain
• Loss of self-esteem and self-worth
• Trust issues
• Anxiety, depression, or other mental health conditions
• Anger
• Guilt or shame
• Intrusive thoughts
• High alertness or suspicion
• Insomnia
• Panic attacks
• Detachment, numbness, or disassociation

In children, betrayal trauma may also result in disordered eating, nightmares, and attachment issues. Adults may turn to substance use and even have thoughts of suicide.

Betrayal Trauma Recovery: Healing from Infidelity

Infidelity can cause betrayal trauma, which can lead to resentment, PTSD symptoms, and lasting trust issues. But healing from infidelity is possible with the right approach and support.

In the Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy, a study of nearly 300 sexually betrayed partners revealed some interesting results:

• Roughly 84% of participants remained in the relationship with their betrayers.
• 87% reported that they blamed themselves.
• 43% considered harming themselves.
• 84% reported intense anger that they had not experienced prior to the betrayal.

The study concludes, “Results clearly indicate that betrayed partners are significantly impacted physiologically, psychologically, behaviorally, and spiritually.”

So what does it take to achieve real betrayal trauma recovery?

How Betrayal Trauma Therapy Helps with Overcoming Resentment

Grief is a major part of the experience of betrayal trauma, whether or not it is initially recognized. When someone is supposed to love and care for you, and they significantly violate your boundaries and threaten your livelihood, it can lead to a profound experience of internal grief. Waves of grief, when they arise, can feel like an endless tide of suffering. But fully processing grief means letting go of regret and resentment, as well as forming a healthier mindset and belief system.

If you have suffered from betrayal trauma, overcoming resentment can be especially difficult because of the degree of pain that you have experienced. But therapeutic interventions and social support can help you release that resentment so you can heal.

According to the European Journal of Psychotraumatology, being able to express what you experienced to a group — and having that group positively support you — is associated with fewer PTSD symptoms. The positive element is key. When you are processing trauma, you want to be in a group that can affirm and encourage you. These kinds of groups are most commonly found in the setting of a counseling center or treatment program.

Gaining positive support from others and adopting a new mindset that allows for healthier beliefs can help you overcome resentment and lay the groundwork for trusting and connecting with others again.

Betrayal Trauma Therapy Workshops

If you’re struggling with the symptoms of betrayal trauma, we have workshops that can provide the education and social support you need to start or continue your healing journey.

Our Betrayal Bond workshop is for those who want to break free from the effects of exploitative relationships, process grief, and thrive in recovery. Our Healing Intimate Treason workshop is specifically for partners of sex addicts, and it provides a safe and compassionate environment for learning about the nature of sex and love addiction, improving emotional regulation, and developing healthy boundaries.

If you have questions about betrayal trauma recovery and other healing workshops, contact us today. We would be happy to assist you in finding the workshop that will best help you with whatever is holding you back the most. Healing and freedom are closer than you think.